Why am I even crying?

 We try to do everything perfectly fine. Getting good grades, making mom and dad happy, being the good main character of a good movie when, at the end, everything turns out just like it should.

 But life is a roller coaster and we can feel as if we can´t even be the main characters of a good movie.

 Like in days like these.

 I open my eyes in the morning and I know what I have to do. I have to be nice, I have to do my chores, be productive and positive, I have to think that everything will turn out just like it should.

 But sometimes, eventhough I know exactly what to do and how to do it.

 I´m lost.
 I lost my balance and now I don´t even understand what´s wrong.

 I feel as if every tiny little thing is a problem that strongly crashes agains my chest. When I try to pull those problems out with others, I feel like I´m just annoying them and pooping on my own movie, so I should just smile and pretend everything´s fine.
 As the day goes by, a sadness haze fulls me inside, more and more. At night I finally lay down on bed and all these overwhelming feelings just fall over my body as my slumber. And this is the moment, yes, this is that moment, when I will probably scream on my pillow or just cry over it.

 But then, when my tears fade away. I just look at the roof and I ask myself:

¨Why am I even crying?¨

 In that moment I realise that I know this moment, I know what is happening here and I know how to control it. I know that I am a good person, not perfect or sinless, but who tries to make actions based on good intentions.

 Why  am I feeling this way if I know there´s nothing bad with just being human?

 Now, I try to think about the good sides of my person and my life, or just life in general. I usually take a piece of paper, and I write down my pros, which are not to show off to the world but for me to know how much I can do to do good and feel good as well. Of course I have flaws, and tons of them, but I´m human and I was not born to be some kind of perfect robot.

 There are really bad days when I feel as if I am useless and stupid, as I can´t put my life together and I feel my existance even disturbs my own dog.

 But, there are also really really good days when I feel as if I am an awesome person ready to help and make my dreams come true in this world.





The important here is that, at the end of the day, you realise that you are free to control your own desitions. If you take them with good vibes and intentions, you´ll get that back. No matter how your mood can be, the desitions that you take over time are the real things that define what kind of person you are.
 Make sure you know that every new day is a fresh new start to make some healthy new choices that will, through the years, define that person you want to be. Eventually, you will become what you choose to be, and if you choose to be and do good, sooner or later you will realise that and understand how much you are worth it, no matter how rough a simple day can be, that can´t change your real intentions in this world.

 So, take this moment, right now. This moment is yours. It´s your body, your life, your eyes that opened this morning.

 What now?

 Now, think about all the good that is inside of you. Think about all this good intentions you might have and do not waste them. Your choices are what make you you. Remember that you do not have to try hard to be something you are not, and that you are perfect, just the way you are, with all your flaws, you still perfect.

 Take a moment just to think about what makes you happy; riding a bike, watching old movies, making a new playlist of your favourite kind of music, being nice with unknown people, playing an instrument, writing, reading, making a dessert for your friend, redecorate your bedroom, go give flowers to strangers down the street, whatever! Even just smiling counts!

Think about every new breath you take as a new beginning. Don´t think too much, just do what makes you happy!

 Lots of love, always.

 Mili. :)